The First Time I Spoke To A Spirit

Storytime: The first time I ever spoke to a spirit and delivered a message from them to their loved one.

If you dont know me yet, Hi! Im Nicole. Im a psychic medium and shamanic healer, not by choice but by birth. My grandma and great grandma had this gift but when I was little, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about the weird things I experienced. I had no idea that everyone didn’t see spirits standing next to their bed at night or hear voices calling their name.

I remember hiding under the covers and saying “if I’m under here, they can’t get me and they will go away” and eventually I would fall sleep under my security blanket. I was scared of my ability to perceive the spirit realm because I had seen all the scary movies and on top of that, I went to Catholic private school. The fear programming was so real that I spent my teens and 20’s trying to make my weird experiences and sensitivity go away. I didn’t know I had these gifts, let alone how to use them. I just knew really scary things would happen to me and I couldn’t explain them. We don’t come into the world remembering, we have to relearn it all again every time but I didn’t have a teacher or guide to help me so I pushed it down out of fear.

I didn’t know what the spirits wanted from me and I didn’t want to find out because it was spooky as heck to feel someone looking at you and smell cigarette smoke when you’re all alone in a room. It wasn’t just the ghosts, I was always extremely sensitive physically and emotionally. I was sensitive to light, sound and when I entered certain places (usually old haunted places) my whole body would shake and shiver. I was always very depressed and anxious because I was a sponge for energy. Not only did I not understand why I was depressed, I spent my life trying to cure my depression which brought me right back home to myself, my gifts and that connection to the spirit realm I tried so hard to escape.

It reminds me of the quote “Your medicine in is the things you’re avoiding”.

The truth was, the more I pushed my connection to the spirit realm away, the more depressed I became. My connection to the unseen was a part of me…just as much as seeing, hearing and feeling are senses….so were my gifts and I had cut off my connection to God / the universe in the process.

Sometimes, the universe orchestrates scary events that feel like the end of the world, also known as a tower moment to help you remember who you are and who you’re not. Major ego death vibes. After tower moment after tower moment, I was like a pile of mush ready for the spirits to teach me, shape me and guide me towards my purpose.

At the time I was an eyelash extension technician and one day I woke up with my left hand swollen and purple. I couldn’t move it let alone work. I had to wear a brace and I didn’t have a choice but to rest and sit with myself. Then came the urge, the strongest pull I had ever felt to buy some tarot cards and do readings for fun on myself and my friends. I couldn’t think about anything else besides spiritual stuff. I listened to spiritual podcasts, started journaling everyday…..I didn’t know it at the time but my gifts were blossoming and opening back up. I wasn’t fighting it anymore and everything was about to change.

Then, Covid happened and there was panic everywhere. Nobody was getting their lashes done anymore and nobody could pay rent. We were stuck in the house and I thought, let me try to do tarot card readings online. It looks fun, I can help others, let’s give it a try I thought. So I created a little instagram account and offered tarot card readings. My first client was a man in his early 30’s. I never asked for names or date of birth, I didn’t need them. I felt the best way to connect with someone’s energy was to look at their picture, so he sent me a selfie and I started pulling cards for him.

A wave of energy washed over my body and I felt a tingle of what felt like anxiety in my belly. My heart started beating faster, what the heck was happening to me? I started to cry, I couldn’t keep it in. I felt sadness, love, grief and then she appeared. On my right side, the spirit of a woman appeared. She didn’t look like a human being, she looked like a spirit. Glowing and misty floating beside me, I felt her staring into my soul and for the first time ever, I wasn’t scared.