How Homeopathy Found Me

and how I am facing my childhood trauma to go back to school

*Trigger Warning: In this post ill be talking about my childhood trauma and experiences of child abuse*

I was always a “troubled” child according to my mother and she wasn’t wrong but the truth was, I was always very different from other kids. I was born with the ability to see and feel spirits. Not only spirits of the dead but spirits of the living too. I could feel when someone was a bad person or a good person, I could feel when my mom was lying, I had gnarly dejavu everyday and I would dream about things before they happened. I never told my mom any of this because I assumed everyone experienced it and to be fair, mom wasn’t very approachable.

She was always stressed out, yelling awful things at me, my step dad and my sisters. My mom was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive, the definition of a narcissist. Calm was rarely a thing in my home. My mom was also severely abused as a child both physically and emotionally and it showed up in the type of mother she was. I know she loved me to the best of her ability but her behavior didn’t ever show it.

I hated school (and honestly still do). No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t focus in class. Looking back I understand that my brain worked differently than most kids and my home life was scary (of course I couldn’t focus, I was being abused). I remember getting assigned books to read and do reports on. I would read a page of the book and have no recollection of what I read. My brain was reading and my spirit was dancing in other realms. Some would call this ADHD but I call it, being a traumatized kid and a psychic medium.

When someone speaks to me, I don’t hear what they’re saying….I hear their spirit speaking to me. My ears drown out what they’re saying and my awareness tells me their life story. I have always been this way and as a child in school, it was so hard for me.

I failed and failed, F after F. I remember being 12, sitting at the dining room table with my mother while she was trying to help me get my homework done. Every time I got the answer wrong she would hit me upside the head and tell me I was stupid. She would scream at me and tell me I wasn’t trying hard enough, that I was lazy. She let my step father abuse me in this way too.

One time that stands out the most was when I got a little older and started to stand up for myself, sitting at the table with my mother again doing homework. She called me stupid once again and I said “well it’s probably your fault” and she stabbed me in the thigh with a lead pencil.

When I dropped out of high school at 15, my mom didn’t care. She left me home alone for weeks to go be with her new boyfriend. I remember going to the kitchen to find something to eat and all we had was a loaf of bread that was literally green covered in mold because it had sat there so long.